Potions Suprise!
by xHanachanx
Summary: Snape is evil isnt he? What happens when he becomes TOO evil?
1. Dark Night

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx

Disclaimer: yes people I am the o'mighty JK Rowling!!!! I am revealing the 7th book!

For all those crazy people who believed that...you need some serious help. (no I don't own hp....I wish I did)

Summary: Snape has an evil plan for potions class! What will happen? Read to find out!

(CHAPTER ONE: In the night)

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It was a very dark stormy night at Hogwarts. Every wizard and witch was sound asleep except one man, Severus Snape. Snape was patrolling the great halls of Hogwarts Wizarding School. His dim light from his wand was just buzzing. It was so quiet, he could hear his own foot steps. He was thinking in his head of what he should do for his next potion class with Slytherin and Gryffindor. _What the bloody hell should I do with those twerps?! I know Slytherin is my house...but these twerps! They are so whiny, especially Pansy always prancing around Malfoy, and all that blubber! (Yuck) when she's prancing around it goes up and down up and down. Everytime I see and remember that I feel like I am going to throw up! Well forget that disturbing thought lets think about my evil plan. Something very evil wh-.' _Neville sleep walking cut off Snape. '_Damn idiot!'_ thought Snape. There he went and slowly pushed Neville to the Gryffindor entrance. Snape really hated this part, where he had to wake up Fat Lady. 'Open up fat lady' he said with his low voice, but still she was off in La-La land. He kept on trying with his voice getting louder and louder. Finally he yelled 'OPEN UP BITCH!' Fat lady had woken up without saying anything she looked at Neville and rolled her eyes and opened up. _' Damn kid' _she thought. Right when Snape slowly waddled in with snoring Neville he stopped. He looked around and saw how neat the Gryffindor common room was. '_Wow, all my life I only saw a green carpet, but Th-' _Snape snapped out of his thoughts again. When he looked down he was mortified! There Neville was just snoring away and pissing on his shoe! Snape quickly got his wand and got a new shoe. He pushed Neville into an empty bed. Snape looked around and slyly grinned and thought _'I'll have my revenge on you twerps tomorrow' _Snape walked out of the common room and slowly walked the great halls of Hogwarts dazed in his thoughts. '_what should I do? I could make them dance around and act l0ike stupid fools at Hogsmead...but no...that would just be stupid. MERLIN! I am getting a very bad headache! I need something for tomorrow though.' _Finally he saw a plain picture. He looked at it and for the first time of his life had a grin on his face. Not just a normal grin but a HUMONGUS grin that no one could imagine him doing that. Than he whispered '_This is it!' _

A/N Well that was it so far! I know it isn't that great but it is my first story! So please tell me what you think of it and please cries don't flame me! If I spell anything wrong I'm sorry I'm trying my best! Please Write Reviews!! Thanks!


	2. Pink Fluffy bunnies and a three some

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx

Disclaimer: **ME NO OWN HARRY POTTER**

Summary: Snape gets his shoe pissed on by Neville, Snape has disturbing thoughts about Pansy and her blubber and Snape finally has found a picture which gives him an idea

'I see you found our new picture, Severus' This nice calm voice was none other than Albus Dumbledore. '_I swear that old geezer is stalking me!' _thought Snape. Dumbledore just stood there smiling with his eyes twinkling. Something was odd very odd, Snape looked more closely. There he saw Dumbledore wearing a long blue Teletubbie nighty with small cute little fluffy pink bunny slippers. Right there and than Snape was ready to cry and burst in to laughter. Tears slowly came out '_Must....not....laugh...nor...cry' _Dumbledore saw the shocked look on Snape's face, 'oh I see you've seen my new nighty! I heard these were VERY popular in the muggle world..' when Dumbledore said that Snape thought ' popular _for stupid muggle children' _Than Dumbledore continued 'So I had go and get them.....Oh and the cute little bunnies...' As Dumbledore said that he took off one of his bunny slippers and started snuggling with it 'They were so PINK I just HAD to get them' as he said that he started to giggle girlishly. ' Headmaster.... Are you all right?' Snape said confused. Than Dumbledore said in a strict calm voice 'whatever are you talking about?...you must be tired Severus, go get some sleep.....Goodnight!' Snape didn't care but he thanked Dumbledore and ran off. Next day Snape woke up early and went off to get the ingredients. While buying the ingredients Snape had the biggest grin on his face. '_you just wait you foolish little twits...' _

Meanwhile Harry, Ron and Hermione woke up and met. Harry forgot to brush his brown hair and Hermione was having a bad hair day. When Ron saw them both he blushed and said ' Did you guys ju-just fuck? I mean h-h-h-how did you d-d-do it?!?!?!?' Harry and Hermione looked at each other and Harry said ' yea...I ripped off Mione's clothes and she took mine off and I inserted my dick into her clit and slowly did it and than I ate her out and booooy mm! Was it good and meanwhile Mione baby was giving me a hickey on my dicky! Than sexy Malfoy came along in tights and no shirt with whips and chains and asked if we were ready for some action!' Ron just stood there shocked while Hermione and Harry were standing there. Than Ron yelled 'how could you leave me out?!?!?' Harry and Hermione burst in to laughter after hearing what Ron said, soon Ron found out that Harry was only joking. 'Anyways I wonder what Mr. evil scientist has planned for potions today' sang Ron. ''Probably the same old 'open your text book students' hmm is that right?'' all three of them burst into laughter after hearing Harry's impression of Snape, But they had no idea what was going to happen, this could be the last time they would ever talk to each other normally...


	3. Snape gets around!

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx

Disclaimer: Ok I am gonna say this again...I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH jumps off a cliff I'm okay

Summary: Dumbledore had pink fluffy bunny slippers and Ron was jealous of Harry and Hermione having a supposive three some...which did not happen...

'I have assigned partners for you! So don't do anything I wouldn't like, so watch the board to see whom you are partnered with!' Snape said as he barged into the classroom, than he got his wand out and waved it at the chalkboard and the chalk started writing names. Everyone started groaning and when Harry saw he was partnered with Pansy he mumbled 'stupid old bat' When Snape heard that he said '10points from Grffi0dor...Potter' Ron was stuck with Cho, Malfoy and Hermione, Neville was with Lavender, Pravati with Goyle and Crabbe was with Ginny. No one was happy with their partners. As soon as everyone was partnered up they got the ingredients. ' Today you are going to make a drink, I will check to see if you made it right or not.' Snape sneered at the class as everyone gulped and nodded. Right after that Hermione raised her hand and started yelling ' Sir! Sir! You forgot to tell us the name of our potion!' Snape glared at her and said ' Did I say you could speak Granger?! 20points from Grffindor!'

As soon as everyone was done they're potions, they were forced to drink it. Snape cackled as soon as they all drank some of it. 'That students was a love potion!' since I have you all tied to a chair forcing you staring at you partners, you will be completely in love with them! Ahahahaha!' Everyone gasped and left the room normally.

As soon as the potion started to kick in the students went running towards they're new lover (that Snape had proudly made), meanwhile Snape was in his lab collecting the remaining potions left (the students didn't drink it all so Snape had a whole bunch left). Snape really didn't have any use for him self, but...he could do many things with this...All the sudden they're was a knock on the door. Wondering who it was he opened the door, there he saw Neville standing with hot leather pants and an extremely tight shirt '_are we ready for fun? Cause I sure am' _said seductively. Snape was horrified, his mouth was wide open. Than all the sudden Lavender came running ' Neville Weville I've been looking all over for you! OooOooooo that's a nice sexy outfit you have Neville baby! I guess I have to find my 'proper clothes' mhmm' than Neville yelled ' I hate you I told you that I am not your fucking baby go shove a tampon up your clit bitch cause I aint fuckin you!' This was his chance, Snape ran off and looked behind himself over and over again. All the sudden there came Neville and Lavender running after him. 'oooh my sexy little bunny is playing hard eh? We'll see about that!' Snape ran faster and faster and all the sudden he ran into something very soft. He looked up and saw Dumbledore. Snape remembered about last night and almost laughed his ass off. Than all the sudden the most scariest words came out of Dumbledore's mouth.... 'I loved that drink you had on your desk...sugar wumpkins' Snape gasped. 'oo there's Neville baby and sexy Lavender, Yoo-hoo!' Snape realized that Dumbledore must of saw him, Neville and Lavender at the same time. This was turning into a horrific disaster.

A/N well that's it so far again. I pity Snape! Lol, if I was him I would be crying lol...not really but yup! Please send Reviews and no flaming!

Thanks!


	4. Snapes little suprise

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx (a.k.a. me!)

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine. Just yah...things you don't recognize.....

Summery: Okay Dumbledore, Neville are in love with Snape, while Lavender is after Neville. Snape is freaked out because there is an old crinkled man after and a student after him. Please be warned! There are attempts of rape! Which might succeed.... So those who don't approve or might be offended in anyway please don't read this chapter.

Also it will continue to the next chapter. So yea this is just the beginning! Muwahaha.

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This was a nightmare! Snape slapped him self over and over again hoping it was a dream. 'Stop it HUNNIE! You're hurting your self! No don't please...wait...are you wanting something?' Said Dumbledore winking at him. 'No leave me alone! I don't want anything to do with you three please!' screamed Snape with a look of horror on his face. Dumbledore slowly got his wand out 'this isn't my only stick baby. This one is nothing compared to this baby, and your getting some milk tonight!' (Author: shudders at the thought of that how crazy can I get?) Snape was dragged to Dumbledore's beautiful bedroom. He tried so hard of talking them all out of this. Lavender just tagged along so she could get some of Neville and Dumbledore wanted her too so he let her come. Dumbledore was the happiest person out of all of them and Snape was the most pissed. Than Neville pushed Snape down onto the bed. Snape screamed 'Please I will do almost anything so please don't fuck me! I will make special medicine for you, Wash your clothes...I DEMAND YOU RELEASE ME NOW!!!' They just shook they're heads 'no' while Lavender giggled. 'I want to make you sweat, scream and moan! I need you! You are my baby so come to me now and make me happy cause I am going to get down on you tonight!' Neville said that as he got his wand out. Dumbledore shook his head 'no' calmly. 'Let me do the honors' he grinned and Neville agreed. With a wave of his wand Snape's clothing slowly flew off into the drawers. After all his clothes were removed they were locked tightly.


	5. The new beggining

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx (a.k.a. me!)

Disclaimer: Oh I am lord JK Rowling! ...now if I was...one of the Harry potter books would be named Harry Potter and the Chamber of "fun" . Or somthin like that (I don't own HP)

Summary: SO Snape is getting...um how should I say LUCKY tonight...wait....that's not lucky...um...ya..just fucked by Neville, Lavender and Dumbledore.

'NO ANYTHING BUT THAT PLEASE HELP ME!!' screamed Snape.

_

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_

_Draco's point of view_

Its been a while since he's liked anyone. Well maybe never. Just once. His father always taught him to just be emotionless...or just always be angry and abusive in anyway. The only time he's loved was a girl named Mira. Mira and Draco were only 11. They seriously LOVED each other. They wanted to get married and have their own kids, also have a little more ''FUN''. One day Draco was making out with his girlfriend at his house in the garden under the tree. Anyways Mira was his first love. He had never felt this special before. This 'kissing' was very interesting when he did it the first time. Anyways Lucius was out but happened to come home early. Draco didn't know that. All the sudden when he was frenching his girlfriend he was knocked out for a long time. He woke up in his bedroom tied to his girlfriend. Who was decapitated with blood pouring out of her body. Her skin was now pale blue. There were blood marks on her clothes from after being harshly stabbed with his own father's wand. Slowly hot tears came pouring out of his eyes when he remembered the good times he had with her. All the sudden a voice interrupted his thoughts. It was his fathers. 'You've fallen for a FILTHY MUDBLOOD and I come home seeing your tongue in her FILTHY mouth.' Draco was shocked but he also noticed he was tied to his dead girlfriend. 'Yes Draco, I killed your STUPID girlfriend' said his father with a slight grin on his face. I hope you have a great night with your girlfriend' his father said laughing and exiting his room.

Two days after eating dinner his father said to him. 'How did your dinner taste? I mean your girlfriend....' Draco's mouth opened widely in shock and disturbed tears again were at his eyes. It was so hard holding his tears in. ' What's wrong? Didn't enjoy your lovely dinner JUST for you? Maybe I should complain to your mother about her cooking skills' his father continued. Draco Ran up to his room crying later. He jumped up on to his bead touching the bloodstains left on his bed from his dead girlfriend. That is why he was in a very pissy mood in second year. Also because of that he had no feelings for anyone. Now? What happened? It's like that feeling disappeared. He didn't know why but he had a sudden urge to make Hermione moan with pleasure.

All of the sudden he bumped into someone. He looked at who it was it was Hermione. They both stopped and stared while blushing. Hermione was going to say something. but what? Draco thought his feelings might have been revealed to her. He thought fast 'What do you want you filthy mudblood. Watch where your going you hairy bitch!' This hurt to say but he knew this would cover him once again. Tears came out of Hermione's eyes. 'WHY MUST YOU ALWAYS CALL ME THAT! DON'T YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU?' she screamed. _'what? Me? L-love me? It cant be I must be dreaming! sigh if it only wasn't a dream..' _Some one hit him across the face he heard running so he quickly looked up to see who it was...' You stupid whore that hurt!'...._'wait...that hurt! I'm not dreaming_!' He thought gleefully while having the biggest grin on his face. Not his famous evil grin, but a VERY happy grin that no one has ever seen. Not even Draco himself.

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A/N VERY IMPORTANT IF YOU WANT ME TO MAKE A STORY ABOUT YOU AND SOME HARRY POTTER CHARACTAR YOU **MUST** email me at

also im sorry my stories are short but i dont have much time!! p.s NO FLAMING!


	6. dinner

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx (a.k.a. me!)

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN HP!

Summary: um yea just read read chap.6 for me cause I'm too lazy to summarize and I suck at summarizing.

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It was dinner in the great hall. Dumbledore, Neville and Lavender already had they're ''dinner''. ' I wonder why Dumbledore looks so happy tonight?' whispered Ron to Harry who laughed. He turned around to blow a kiss to Ginny. Harry and Ginny during the ''evil plan'' in motion were talking to each other. While Pansy, Goyle and Crabbe were fighting about whom had the worst partners. Parvatti was trying to get Lavenders attention.

'Ginny I love you so much my magic would go around the world more than 50 times!' yelled harry.

'well I love you so much I will be getting YOUR magic tonight!'(a/n wow sum1 is being a slut)

'Oh that's for sure Ginny Winny. I shall make sure you have so much fun tonight!'

than Harry started explaining to Ginny in detail while Ginny smiled with pleasure.

After going about it for a while Ron yelled 'PLEASE I'M EATING CANT

YOU SEE THAT!!! SO JUST SHUT IT AND KEEP IT IN YOUR MIND

AND PLAN WHAT TO DO AND GO ON IT LATER!!!' Ron's ears were

purple by the time he finished saying this.

'hey I wonder why professor Snape isn't at his regular seat? '

asked hermione whose eyes where all swelled up.

Snape was in the back corner whose face was pale...VERY pale he was scared

Dumbledore winked at him Snape had tears in his eyes. He was RAPED by the headmaster and a couple of students..he needed out fast.

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A/N sorry I g2g that's why this is so short!


	7. Lick my baby back behind

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx (a.k.a. me!)

Disclaimer: screams I don't own HP!!! jumps off a cliff dies don't worry I will be writing this story from the dead all the sudden a random scene pops up with me dead on the comp. Typing this story huh?

Summary: sings baa baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir yes sir...3 bags full (?)....how did the song go again? Anyways I'm lazy again.

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A/N I'm sorry if this story has lots of mistakes cause I'm listing to Macarena (HEY! MACARENA!!) Oh yes it might get a little detailed in the XXX part so yes I warn you.

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Snape ran into his room with tears in his face, but why is **he** Severus Snape crying? Be cause he was raped by two students and his very own headmaster. They had tied him locked his clothes and everything! (A/N maybe I should get more detailed bout the sex lol haha seriously I dunno lol! dances to the Macarena HEY MACARENA!!) Dumbledore's power was way too powerful for him and the students. He couldn't hurt them...He would loose his job! Anyways...he got RAPED!! ' I' m the ex-death eater!! Its our job to be the doing the raping!!! But I have no use for it' mumbled Snape. All the sudden his door opened. Snape ran to hide behind cup board. He slowly saw who it was, it was Dobby. 

'_Oh please don't let of Dobby drink the potion!!' _prayed Snape.

'Dobby saw everything that happened to you Severus Snape sir. I think its horrible. I know of your potion...how long does it take to wear off?'

Snape sighed in relief.

'about a week'

he said with his normal deep voice.

' Oh that means me and you can have a weeks worth of fun......slave' said Dobby slowly went to play some music and slowly took off his clothes like a stripper.

'Dobby has three jobs. 1. Being a house slave. 2. A stripper. 3.Fuckin you senseless'

Snape was gagging in his mind at the thought of Dobby being a stripper. Soon Dobby had his shirt in the air waving it around in threw it on Snape.

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! DOBBY I COMMAND YOU TO STOP IMMEDIATELY!!'

Screamed Snape.

'Please'

he said calmly and nicely. Everyone knew the mean side of him. He really did have a good heart. He was just too tired of life. He really did like Harry. He was the one who saved Harry and gave him to Dumbledore. When he saw baby Harry, he wanted to take him home. He looked just like his long lost and now dead first love Lily. Hermione was smart and beautiful. Why did he yell at her for being smart? He had his new reputation

'fine. But Dobby will be back tomorrow' Dobby said as he walked out topless.

Meanwhile Draco was naked and so was Hermione. Hermione had Draco tied to the bed. They could hear Pansy, Goyle and Crabbe fucking in the room beside them.

'I always wondered if that was possible'

giggled Hermione.

'Oh come on please please untie me so I can give you what we I mean what you want.' Begged Draco.

'oh just hold on' Hermione said as she started to singing in a britney spears 'hit me baby one more time' tune.

'Oh daddy daddy!)

(Oh daddy daddy!)

Teach me teach me

I'm just a little girl

With lovin' on her mind

Reach me reach me

Give me a spin and twirl

From all the way behind

Tell me how to hold it

While we, while it's growin

Baby, it's so swollen

Now we're flowin'

Whoops! Explosion!

You're older and it's thrilling me (Yeah yeah!)

To bad our love's a felony (A felony!)

Your big like daddy,

I'll open wide

Put it inside

Lick my baby back behind!'

You do protest that i'm jailbait (Jailbait!)

I'm just 16, but I just can't wait (I just can't wait!)

My mom's real cool,

-promise-

You won't do time!

Lick my baby back behind!

'Oh so your really horny eh? KINKY!!!'

said Draco

Hermione nodded and jumped into the bed untied him and they got at it.

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A/N okay...thats all for today i guess ya...DONT FLAME ME!!! 


	8. Shampoo!

Potions Surprise!

Author: moi!

Disclaimer: um no...this is not mine. It is JK rowling....the author who is richer than the queen her self!!(THINK OF ALL THE CHA-CHING CHA-CHIN!!!)

Summary: Well, why don't ya read the WHOLE story to know whats happened so far hmm?

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A/N: Well here I am listening to music again! THIS TIME BILLY TALENT!!!(YAHHH!)

Sorry if I screw up DON'T FLAME ME!!!

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Its been 2 days, Madam Promfrey cant heal anyone (A/N: sorry if I spelled the name from!!) Because she took a sip of the potion cause Dumbledore was too busy bragging to everyone at dinner how WONDERFUL that drink was. Snape went to set a new password and made sure NOBODY knew. He begged the picture on his door Cynthia the great potions author to not let ANYONE except him in. Cynthia rolled her eyes and laughed.

'What's wrong Severus? Screwed up your potions AGAIN? Since I was a GREAT GREAT GREAT witch that knew allllllllllllllllllll about potions I never screwed up! In fact BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAHBLAH....'

Cynthia went on about how terrific she was of an witch

'Great...hmm...not to mention your fat stomach.... Fatty, whore'

Mumbled Snape.

He slowly got into a shower hoping Dobby wasn't hiding and watching him....or anyone.

He washed his body and grabbed something....

'What the..?' said Snape with an eyebrow up high.

He paused....slowly (only) his eyes moved towards to see what he was holding. It was long, thick and hard....(A/N: I know that description didn't sound rite!!)

There he saw was a new type of wizard shampoo.

'New Merlin Shampoo.........for Sexy men......'

Snape had a disturbed look on his face. There was a green ribbon neatly tied around with a card with a moving picture of Dobby skipping in a great flower field holding a heart that said 'Severus and Dobby for ever.

'_Oh dear god' _thought Snape while opening the card.

'for you Severus, you are mine all mine, if you do not want me, I shall seduce you. Be

MINE ALL MINE!!! I love you always be my sexy Barbie, so I can touch you all over the

place, just like I used to with Barbie and her friends (A/N: Dobby also chains barbies to the bed lol hehehahaha he also has a tea party with them...Partay!)

.....................That was a great moment too,

but I think it will be better with you. Much better!

Your sexy lover,

Dobby.'

Snape was now laughing and totally grossed out because Dobby played with Barbie's and also touched them.

' _That's some nasty shit people...that I didn't need to know...that's gotta be the most _

_fucked up card I've ever received....maybe I should go on the wizardnet (internet for the _

_Wizards) and put this on chat haha' _

Thought Snape.

He slowly poured some tea in and got out some Viagra pills (A/N: Nasty...eh?).

He thought about what he should do with the Shampoo, than he got out the Shampoo and slowly got his wand out and checked to see if there were any charms or what so ever. He found one spellã€ 


	9. I need a girl

Potions Surprise!

Author: ME!!!(aka xhanachanx)

Disclaimer: um I don't own anything you recognize...And ya...I DON'T OWN HP!! –screams-

Summary: Dude I am a LAZY writer....someone's gotta do this summarizing for me lol!

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OKAY JUST GET THE POINT IM LISTENING TO MUSIC EVERYTIME I WRITE THIS FIC!!!

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Snape POV

'_I've been lying here for days, I've been drunk and I feel spent......' _

thought Snape....than all the sudden on the radio the song ' I need a girl' plays(A/N: SNAPE IS STILL DRUNK!!!). Snape slowly waddled to the radio swaying back and forth and also swinging his hips. His face was all pink, he lifted his shaky hand and turned the volume up. All the sudden Snape started to unbutton his robe while swaying his hip. Soon he only had a pair of loose silk boxers on. He thought himself so sexy, than he started to sing

along with his horrible singing voice.

'I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

I need a girl who's mine all mine

I need a girl in my life

Yo, I'm internationally known on the microphone

I got it all, but I really need a wife at home

I don't really like the zone, never spend the night alone

I got a few, you would like to bone

But, chicks don't romance me, don't tickle my fancy

Only Tiffany, Nancy; that's not what my plans be

I need a girl that could stand me, raise me a family

Go to trips at the Lancy, trip to the Grammy's cause

Most of these girls be confusing me

I don't know if they really love me or they using me

Maybe is the money, or maybe you ain't used to me

Cause you was depressed and now you abusing me

That's why I need a girl that be true to me

Know bout the game, and know how to do to me

Without a girl on my side, shit I ruin me

Forget the world, it's just you and me

Now let's ride.....

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

I need a girl who's mine all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

Yo, now I have had a lot of women in my lifetime

But see it's not a lot of women that got the right mind

I done had pretty chicks with all the right features

And hoodrat chicks that only rock sneakers

Cell phones and beepers, and know how to treat ya

You break her heart, she'll walk out and leave ya

I find a girl, I'm a keep her

Cuz now I'm getting money and the game getting deeper

I want some real shit, I need somebody I can chill with

I need somebody I can build with

I need somebody I can hold tight

With the time and no full limits, no right

Anytime we together would feel so right

You the girl I been looking for my whole life

God bless me, I'm glad I got the insight

Because of you girl, now I understand life

I need a girl...

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

I need a girl who's mine all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

I had a girl that would've died for me

Didn't appreciate her so I made her cry for me

Every night she had tears in her eyes for me

Caught a case, shorty took the whole ride for me

First we were friends then became lovers

You was more than my girl, we was like brothers

All night we would play fight under covers

Now you gone, can't love you like I really wanna

But every time I think about your pretty smile

And how we used to drive the whole city wild

Damn I wish you would've had my child

A pretty little girl wit Diddy's style

This shit is wild

All damn days that I reminisce

About the way I use to kiss them pretty lips

But as long as you happy, I'ma tell you this

I love you girl and you're the one that I will always miss

I love you, yeah

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

I need a girl who's mine all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

I need a girl to ride, ride, ride

I need a girl to be my wife

Nobody else cuz she's all mine

I need a girl in my life

I just want you to be my baby

I just need you to be my baby

I just want to be my baby'

While singing this Snape was holding himself, right when the song ended he ran to the cup board and got some more alcohol. He chugged some of it and got a joint to puff.

He was

**Depressed** (Dun Dun Dun!!)

He needed help. All these years he did a whole bunch of things so he could be the DA teacher. He also secretly helped people without ANYBODY knowing. Like when Potter was in first year, when Harry was a first year one of the professors possessed by the dark lord tried to kill him. When Snape saw that he was horrified, he tried a spell so Harry could get back on to his Nimbus 2000 but somebody set his robe on fire. Oh well at least that scared the one who was cursing Harry. 'Being lonely can be fun but sometimes.... You just need someone....you want someone to comfort you...isn't that right?' said a voice in his head 'That's what rum is for fool!' said Snape mumbling to him self. Snape skipped around his room like a little girl skipping in a field of flowers. About 10 seconds of prancing around half-naked in his room, he passed out on his bed.

The next day Snape barged into class like the usual, except he was half drunk.

'all you people have to like yah, mhmm dress like sexy drag queen boys mmm you guys

would look like SEXY!!!....Why don't we make that homework my girlfriends and boyfriends than we can have a little drag party...oh and all those freaks that don't dressed drag will be forced to do a strip show in front of Dobby and Dumbledore baby....yah and lets make that hmm..The day after tomorrow!'

skipped Snape. After about an hour of drag talk class was over.

Neville:' I think he's finally cracked'

Random boy: 'its either that or he just went to AZKABAN!'

Many people murmured...

The next day Snape was clean.

Harry and Ron felt to sick to go to class.

Than Snape said something while blushing.

'class I'm sorry for what I said yesterday...please ignore what ever I said....anyone who

chooses to speak about it EVER again will get eternal detention, with me'

Potions went almost normally except other than the fact that everyone was making out with each other.

Snape was hating his life...hoping this horrible week will end soon.

* * *

A/N: what will happen to Harry and Ron?!?!? Will they show up as drags?!?!?


	10. Your soooo sexy sorry this is short but ...

Potions Surprise!

Author: xhanachanx

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter!! Get the fuckin point!!

Seriously!

Summary: I have to get off the comp. VERY soon so I am too lazy! Ok? Ok!

* * *

Dumbledore was running through the corridors of Hogwarts naked yelling

'oh dobbykins...where are you my baby!?!?'

than all the sudden he heard Snape singing, Dumbledore sniggered and waved his wand than a tape recorder popped out of no where.

While recording Snape Dumbledore realized he was supposed to be finding his sexy Dobby.....Than Dumbledore continued running naked with his EXTREAMLY WRINKLY **–cough- **dangling (a/n: sorry bout that)

Harry was walking in the corridors innocently when all the sudden he saw this nasty sight.

'OH MY FUCKING EYES O GOD MY "VIRGIN" EYES!! AGHHHHHHHHHH' Screamed Harry covering his eyes with his robe.

'Just PLEASE forget that...anyways i doubt your even a virgin considering how your sigh so sexy....OMG did I just say that?!?!? OH im so sorry Dobbykins....anyways like I said just please try to forget that!' Dumbledore said with his eyes twinkling.

'you have no idea ho hard I'm trying to' mumbled Harry under his breath while gagging in the corner.

'dobbbbbbyyyyy! My little sexy beast!!!where are you?!?!?!' Yelled Dumbledore.

* * *

A/n anyways I g2g before my mom slices my head off...bye!


	11. Poor Snape and the drags

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! I don't own harry potter! 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* * *

****

**A/N : (PLEASE READ!!) Hi thanks for reading Potions Surprise! Ummmmmmm ya my teeth is hurting a lot (ya im having problems) so this tooth is driving me nuts so sorry if I make weird mistakes**

* * *

(NOW ON WITH THE STORY!!)

'oh now I like that!' moaned Neville, who was jacking off.

'W-wha?' mumbled Harry who was half-asleep.

'_SHIT!' _thought Neville. He quickly got his hand out of his pants, but forgot to hide his little screen player thing.

'What's wrong? Having SWEET dreams bout Lavender?' Grinned Harry who desperately wanted the details but while talking he was interrupted by Neville. Harry also had huge baggs under his eyes.

'WHA?!?!?!? THAT FUCKING **SLUT** WHO ALWAYS WANTS SEX??!?!?!?!?!?! THAT BITCH STALKS ME LIKE IM HER PIMP OR STAR!!!!FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK THANKS A LOT FOR RUINING MY WHOLE FUCKING DAY' Whispered Neville loudly.

Harry snickered at the thought of Neville being famous and all the girls swooning at him and he was wearing a pimp hat and pimp clothes with all the chains and Neville rapping...this cracked him up soooo much

'Well...you know...........If she ever asks for sex again you can tell her to come to me literally CUM to me...' said Harry with his famous horny smile.

'W-whaaa?!?' Neville said...he was confused.... Did he hear Harry right? Was this Harry? He looked for the scar...YES it was he!

Harry interrupted Neville of his thoughts again.

'What's this? Hmmmmmmm...So this was getting you horny eh?' While saying this Harry noticed the bulge in Neville's pants and his hands, which had white/clear stuff on his hands. '_God this is priceless! Neville HORNY!!! Ahahahahaahahahahahahaha!'_

Harry laughed to himself quietly.

'I wonder wonder...what is this?' Harry pressed the rewind button.

'So Neville.... What is you were Jacking off...' Neville was red as the red part of the Gryffindor flag.

'This must be pretty good stuff...what is this some good Lesbo sex? You know like girl on girl, one girl eating another girl out, straight regular sex, bondage or something better than that...which I doubt there is... Lesbians...MM!' Said Harry with another horny smile.

'NO DON'T PRESS PLAY PLEASE HARRY I WILL DO ANYTHING!!!' Whispered Neville strongly...

'anything..?' Harry said still with a horny grin

'well maybe not anything...' Neville slowly trailing off

'than the deals off' grinned harry...._'Its good to get free porn once in a while ;)' _thought Harry.

He pressed play and blackmailed Neville so that Neville wouldn't stop him. Harry put his hand down his own pants with a horny smile, his MANHOOD was slowly getting bigger and bigger and his heart was beating faster and faster.

Harry hit play.........what was gonna happen?

All the sudden there was Snape drunk.

_FLOP!! _

Harry was completely turned off. Yes folks that was the sound of his dick going whoooop...down.

'What the fuck Neville...you call this porn?!?' Said Harry disappointingly...but before Neville got to answer Harry told him to shut up.

With his hand still in his pants. He noticed Snape slowly unbuttoning his clothes...all the sudden Harry noticed Snape was pretty sexy. Harry started jacking off again.

'I really hope he is traditional...ya know no boxers ;)' Harry said breathing faster and faster.

_WHOOSH!_

That was the sound of Snape's robes falling to the floor.

'Gah!' Harry said, noticing his sexy body, which was pale, but still found him amazingly sexy.

'He's still mine!' Neville said Jealously.

'We will see about that...I may have Ginny but Snape is so....a- amazing'

'NO YOU LITTLE MOTHERFUCKER! HE IS MINE I CLAIMED HIM!! I EVEN ASS RAPED HIM WITH DUMBLEDORE AND LAVENDER!!'

Harry shuddered when he thought of HIS Snape getting ass raped by geek and that old wrinkly man....he saw him naked earlier.....but Harry wanted details about Lavender naked...

'So.....what's Lavender like in bed?' Grinned Harry 'is she good?' I thought she was lesbian cause she was always around Parvatti. But hmm..shes not a Lesbo I think I can have her' Harry said with another Horny grin.

Neville was getting tired of this horny grin 'what ever I'm fucking tired G' night'

'_Oh I think I will be keeping this...of sexy Snape' _Harry grinned 'G'night'

------------------------------------------------NEXT DAY--------------------------------------------

Ron and Harry groaned..They knew if they didn't dress drag Snape would force them to dance naked in front of Dumbledore and Dobby. Harry rather of danced naked WITH Snape...no Dumbledore, Dobby or anyone! Just him and Snape '_oh Severus'_ Harry moaned in his mind...Ron wore a long dress rose red dress with deep red lipstick on, blush and a little bid of eye shadow on. Harry on the other hand wore a blue jeans mini skirt and a tank top stuffing coconuts to make it look like he had boobs..than he had a brown wig on his head he neatly had eye liner, little bit of blush and peach flavored(smells like it too) lip gloss on. Harry and Ron was a bit unhappy but to laugh they both sang to potions 'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, there they are standing in a row! Big ones, small ones SOME AS BIG AS YOU HEAD! Give 'em a flick of the wrist that's what the showman said. I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts...' When they got to potions everyone muttering suddenly became quiet.

Ron said to Harry 'I guess everyone wants to dance naked in front of Dobby and Dumbledore.'

Everyone was speechless. Even Draco Malfoy who had a thing for making this more embarrassing but this was too much.

The two drags sat down uncomfortably with everyone staring.........All the sudden Snape barged in.

'okay everyone SHU-....wait...why is it so quiet...?'

Harry almost fainted at the sight of the potions master.

'hmmmm.....well,well, what do we have here...two drag queens....stand up and take a bow for your stupid foolish act....Potter and Weasly...' Snape said with a smile with a bit of a curve. Harry and Ron were shocked......

'B-but..! you told us...to wear these or we would have to dance naked in front of Dumbledore and Dobby' spluttered Ron

'SCILENCE!! You fools!! Well I guess since you were away I have no choice but to give you NO detentions.... Consider your selves lucky Potter...Weasly.' Snape said pissed off.

Than Harry stood up and said in a seductive voice,_ 'Oh Sevy. You are sooo sexy come one come on' _

The whole class was shocked even Snape.

'SEVY?!?!' yelled Snape in shock.

Harry walked up and slowly started to rub the potions masters chest. His lips getting closer and closer. Snape was scared shitless

'what are you doing Potter?!?' Snape said sheepishly

'I need you' Harry said weakly.


	12. Stolen Mojo Updated!

Author: By now I think you'd know who it is!

Disclaimer: Me no own HP

Summary: Ask Snape, He's the victim.... -gets kicked by Snape- OW! FUCK WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!?!?

Snape: For me being a victim.

Me: Fuck you...you deserve to be the victim! I shall make you the fucking victim again! MUWAHAHAHA

Snape: If you don't shut up I will KISS YOU!

Me: AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--runs about 10000000000000miles away from Snape than starts gagging at the thought of that-- Stupid geezer . . . .

Snape: Stupid geezer? Okay pucker up!

Me: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW --deletes Snape-- Muwhahahaha I have the POWER!!! Ah being the author can be REALLY sweet sometimes—grins--

--Random people cheer--

Dumbledore: Muwahaha I am Snape! I possessed Dumbledore!!!

Me: Stupid fucker!

Dumbledore/Snape: PUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKER UPPPPPPPP  
Me: --runs while screaming like a mental maniac also holding a HUGE S.M.S (Save MY soul!) sign-- himpf --kicks Dumbledore/Snape in the shins while mumbling 'stupid whore'--

Dumbledore/Snape: YOU BITCH!

Me: Well that's what you get for kicking me earlier...WHY WONT ANY ONE HELP ME --cries--

Snape/Dumbledore: Probley they don't want to help an extremely stupid author...

Me: Note to self...get Dumbledore,Snape,Neville and Lavender to have another Rape sex...hmm... I think I shall add...ho hum..who to add who to had? I KNOW! Wait...lets hear who you want..Who do you want Snape.e-er I mean Sevy

Snape/Dumbledore: Not potter, Not Potter Not Potter Not Potter Not Potter Not Po-

Me:Not potter? So it can be Lucius Malfoy? Or um...Hagrid!!

Snape: --screams—NO Not them...and not potter not potter not potter not po-

Me: Hmm..........it sounds like you really want Harry...--evil grin-- I think I shall add HARRY Potter. Since Snape Really wants him....

Snape/Dumbledore : --gets wand out--HAHA!

Me: --deletes wand and replaces with a naked barbie--

Snape: OMG! Hmm...you know now that I think of it...Barbie really has big tits! Nakedness....--grins with a horny smile--

Me: No that will just make you happy....—burns Barbie and replaces with naked Barney--

Snape/Dumbledore: AGH!!! MY EYES BURN!!!

Me: damn straight...--covers eyes--

Snape/Dumbledore: kids...., this is why Barney is dead....—kills Barney--

--all the sudden Stan and kyle from South Park apear—

Stan: OH MY GOD YOU KILLED BARNEY!!

Kyle: YOU BASTARD!!

Me: --gasps—who really cares anyways..

Snape/Dumbledore: --in a little girly voice-- Us little horny girls...

Me: You're a girl? I feel INSULTED!!!

Stan: Looks like they don't need us here...its boring...lets go back to South park.

Kyle: yah....HERMIONE YOU HAVE NICE TITS!! LETS HAVE SEX SOMETIMES!!

--than the two kids walk off in the distance while the southpark theme song is playing—

Me: I really should go to south park and hang out with towl!

Snape/Dumbledore:Yah what ever.. Just get on with the fucking story so I can get this off my profile as soon as possible bitch...

Me: I forgot about that!.....................Any whooooooooooooooooooooo on with the story:

.....Wait Im too lazy right now...im not even allowed on the comp. Right I have my stupid midterms....--gets hit on the head by Snape--

Snape: Study!

Me: Please study for me

Snape: Okay --starts walking off--

Me: WAIT!! I need to do something with this chap...........hmm I think I will make this...an INTERVIEW WITH SNAPE!

Snape: What kinda corny name is that?

Me: I don't know...I just made that up randomly...

Snape: How about...'an SPECIAL interview with the Intelligent and skillful Potions master(soon to be DADA teacher) , PROFFESER SEVERUS SNAPE'

Me: --snickers--

Snape: --glares-- fine have it your way...it will just attract less people to this story or thing...Oh poor me poor poor me.

Me: Yah w/e...anyways 'Mr.' Snape....How old were you when You first started being the ''brilliant'' potion master..?

Snape: When I was 23

Me: okay --scribbles down-- Okay how old are you now?

Snape: How old do I look? --wink wink—If you get it right I'll give ya something good! –eyes bed--

Me: uh...........alrighty than I will guess and try to get it right, but I don't want your uh..um...er "prize"...49?

Snape: Hell no bitch Im much younger than that! Think of my personality and you will get my age!

Me: ah really cocky 4 year old?

Snape –grits teeth- no! Im 35 u idiot

Me: Oh...

An Hour later

Me: So...next question...

Snape: How many do you have left?!? –groans-

Me: this is the last one..

Snape: okay.

Me How many times have you gotten laid?

Snape: 6 times the fifth one was the best I mean, Carrie was gre-WHAT?!??!?!? –blushes as red as the red part of the Gryfindor flag—

Me:--''magically'' turns Snape's robe gold color—And here folks, we have a proud Gryfindor!

Snape: -tries to hex the author—

Me: tut tut hex me and I delete you! And get ya raped by Dumbledore about a couple hundred times...hm...should I add the tellitubbies?

Snape: OH MY FUCKING GOD MY VIRGIN EARS!!! Tellitubbies?!?! You mean those stupid weird alien things with a weird dildo on they're head?!!?!

Me:--coughs-- virgin my ass!, ya those dildo aliens

Snape: that's not the fucking point you stupid slut! FUCKY YOU!

Me: Me the slut?!?!? AHAHAHAHA look at pansy!! Shes like a major slut –imatates pansy running—hehehehe. –inocently—fuck me? LETS SEE YOU TRY YOU OLD GEEZER FREAK DUMBLEDORE THING GUY MAJIGER!!

Snape: that can be arranged –winks—

Me:--retches in the corner—

after 5mins of retching

Snape: How much do you eat?!!? I mean you were gagging for 5mins straight!!! Oh and I will be back

another 5 mins go by

Snape: BAAAAAAAACK!! Im back as my original form—winks—so im no old one hundred and something year old!!! –wink wink wink—so if you still want –eyes the bed—

Me: AGHHHHHHHHHH –destroys bed—Muwahaha me no interested.

Snape: --I can I'm not wanted....—walks off—

Me:WAIT YOU CANT DO THAT!! IM STILL ''INTERVEIWING'' YOU!!

Snape: interviewing my ass!

Me: okay...Today folks I am interviewing Mr. Severus Snape's ass...hello mr.ass....hmm..i can see you...--thinks about pulling snapes pants down to interwiew mr.butt....than goes into her own world—

Snape: AGHH!

Me: oh dear.....baby dick no happy....—runs around the world with a pic of snapes baby dick—EXTRA EXTRA!!

Snape:--hits author on the head—okay stop your fantisies of my dick...I happen to have a 7 inch and that's pretty good

Me:--wakes up from her odd fantasy(?)— AGH! You can read my mind?!?! GET OUT OF MY HEAD GET OUT OF MY HEAD AGH AGH AGH—bangs head on a near by table—

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!! hahahaahahahahahahahahahahaha—rolls on the floor laughing my ass off choking on a cookie—7inch?!? –snickers—how'd mr.baby dick grow? Pump? –smirks—Go fuck someone who actually believes you!

Snape: Okay...in that case I will say...: I have a baby dick.

Me: Oh that I beli- Oh shit...stay the fuck away from me!

Snape: you believe me.

Me: get any closer to me than I shall....—starts singing in a 'in the jungle' tune—Iiiiiiin the Bedroom the mmmmiiiiiiighty bed room ssnnnaaaaape sleeps to nighhhht...

Snape: I like the sound of that!

Me: In the kitchen the mighty kitchen Michelle(a/n : that's me :p) haaas a kniiiiiiiiiiife!

A wiener chop a wiener chop a wiener chop a wiener chop a wiener chop!

Snape:--rolling on the floor holding groin—aghhhhhhhh stop stop I can feel the pain!! Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh—checks pants just in case if he still has a dick considering the pain is so intense—OMG! I LOST MY DICK! ...wr..this scene seems familer...Oh ya...forget what I said! I shall say...I LOST MY MOJO!!!

Me: What?--smirks evilly-- haha!

Snape: --screaming like a little girl—Gimmie my dick back!! Puleeasse!! Er...Gimmie my MOJO back!!

Me: fine!!.... –unhappy face—I wont stab your ''mojo''

Snape: that's better...anyways...anyone got Super glue? That's permanent!?!? I need to glue this back!

Me: uh...take that somewhere else pulease!

10mins later

Snape: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiim back! My dick is with me!

Me: like I really wanted to know that...

Snape: Yes you did

Me: No I didn't!

Snape: yes

Me: no

Snape: yes

Me: no

Snape: Yes

Me:No

Snape:Yes

Me: no...anyways if you say I wanted to know I will rip your dick in to shreds!

Snape: --screams like a little girl--

Me: anyways im getting tired of writing this

Snape: I seriously need to get paid doing this stuff...

Me and Snape: BYYYYYYYYE! –bows—

A/N: and that was the weird play/summery thing...Reviews please!!


	13. Detention

Author: By now I think you'd know who it is!

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANY OF THE RECONIZED CHARACTARS!

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_

_Snapes POV_

__

'what? Sevy? W-what the hell are you talking about?!?'

Snape had a look on his face that no one had seen before, he looked shocked, sad and pissed at the same time. His eyes were full of fear his mouth slightly open, just sadly looking in the distance. Everyone was quiet.

Hearing some one call him Sevy made him remember Tiffany. _Why did 'you know who' _

_kill her again? Oh ya....because he thought she interfered with my work. I despised the _

_Dark Lord ever since. Now I'm a spy. One day Voldemort will find out and I will be _

_killed, but I guess that's my destiny._ Severus was extremely depressed now, Tiffany was the only person that he loved.

'Sevy...Whats wrong?' A seductive voice had woken him up from his sad trance. It was Harry.

Severus pushed Harry off him.

'I don't know what you were trying to do but you were succeeding at scaring me Potter! It seems that you WANT to have detention with me Potter, I guess you will have detention with me...' Snape curled his lip while saying his last sentence while Harry had a huge horny grin on his face. Harry's face was getting hotter and hotter.

'and Flich.' Snape had finished his sentence. Harry's smile had now gone upside down.

'What! No...Please Sevy!' Harry said on his knees getting closer and closer to Snape.

Snape's lip curled...In about 2 minutes Harry was right in front of Snape on his knees. His hand was going towards the wrong place.

'Potter what do you think you're doing? Unlike you I am most certainly not gay.' Snorted Snape.

'But as a Slytherin you're Bi' Harry had another horny grin.

Everyone was gagging at the thought of Snape having gay sex except Harry and Neville. Those two were just enjoying the thought of having sex with him.

Snape was ready to hex him but coolly said

'Potter, I don't know if you were trying to seduce me but if you are you are not quite great at it. And yes its true that Slytherin's are Bisexual but that does not mean all the time. 40 points will be taken away from Grffindor for your foolishness'

All the sudden Harry stood up and ran towards Snape's cupboard

Snape turned around and yelled 'Hey! My. Potter what do you think your doing?!?'

There it was the love potion. The light shone beautifully on the potion while it was sparkling.

'No! not that.' Snape yelled

'oh yes' Harry grinned

Snape ran but Harry was right behind him. What was wrong with Potter today.

Snape got out his wand and put a barrier around himself.

'Potter don't you try. 100 points from Gryfindor!' Snape yelled furiously.

'Why shouldn't I?' Harry grinned.

Everyone got their popcorn out and drinks out and started watching as if it was a movie.

Snape panicked he needed to think of something fast! Very fast! Or his life will be ruined.

'cause I'm your fatha' Snape spluttered

Everyone started murmuring.

'Whaaa?!?' Harry yelled puzzled

'Your not my dad!' He screamed.

'sorry that was random' Snape sneered.

Draco had his arm around Hermione, Crabbe and Goyle both had their arms around Pansy. Ginny looked pissed at Harry but actually wasn't that mad, Parvati was trying to kiss Lavender who was awfully disgusted, Ron and Cho were making out while Neville just stood there with his jaw open.

Than the bell rang.

'I'll be back for you later ;)' Harry winked.

'whatever Potter'

* * *

'Harry, Whats wrong with you?! I never knew you were Bi! But What was that all about you and Snape! That was gross' Hermione squealed.

'oi mate I gotta agree with her, what the bloody hell were you thinkin about? He's our fucking teacher!!' Ron yelled.

Harry just walked with a grin, his hands were in his pockets. Yes he managed to steal the potion.

'_Thank you Sevy' _Harry thought.

Harry slowly and sadly went to detention, knowing that Flich was gonna be there.

But to his surprise no one was there, not Snape nor Filch or his stupid cat.

Harry sat down and waited for his sexy Sev.

Than Snape barged in with a pissed look.

'Potter, its your luck day. Flich decided he rather FUCK his cat than come to help me watch over you serving detention'

Harry couldn't help chuckling about the thought of Flich and his cat fucking, rather disturbing but hilarious.

'What is so funny Potter? Come here NOW!' Snape yelled.

'Sorry' Harry mumbled, while hiding his grin. This was too perfect.

Hiding the Potion around his back he slowly walked up to Snape. _This is it this is my moment!_

Harry got close to Snape, right in front of him, he quickly opened the bottle cap and tried to shove it into Snape's mouth but didn't succeed. Instead there was a barrier.

'Potter, I am not that stupid you know. I noticed the potion missing hours ago. I knew you would try this considering you tried earlier.' Snape said with his smooth voice.

Harry was pissed off but managed to end his detention. He went back to the common room thinking of a new plan. This could be his chance! or will he not succeed?

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A/N: Haaaaaay people Im so sorry I havnt updated for so long i havnt had any ideas! I needed the time to think of twisted stories so sorry!


	14. Nude Show

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter...its more like he owns me!!

Or any of the recognized things yade yade ya

Summary: Um..Harry is trying to force Severus to drink the potion and screws up?

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**A/N: FIND THE SECRET MESSEGE HIDDEN AND DO AS ****TOLD!!!**

Harry's POV

'_I finally have a plan to keep Snape for my self! I shall soon be snogging with Sev _(--author retches in corner while muttering 'review!'--)_. I'm madly in love with Ginny but you know, who knew Sev was this sexy!_' I thought while walking in the corridors serving my last detention of the week with my baby. I had a small cup filled with the potion and my invisibility cloak. Sev has been asking me for the past 3 detentions to empty ALL my pockets and than he sticks his large hands in my pockets to see if I have anything hidden...and you know what they say about guys with BIG hands...;) (Author waves hands in the air of the background yelling 'REVIEW!' a couple hundred time). It makes me feel so good when he does that. It feels like it's the closest he comes of touching me, but that's going to now change. There I stood in front of the room I was going to be stuck..Er enjoying, detention with Sev. I slowly put saran wrap on the top of the cup, wrapped it with my fathers invisibility cloak. I stared at my fathers invisibility cloak slowly becoming invisible, I started to think...'_What would my father think if he was alive...that I was in love with his sworn enemy.....you know it would be like if I married some chick and had a son who wanted Draco....OH WELL DADS DEAD ANYWAYS! NOTHINGS STOPPING ME!_' The drink was completely invisible now, I walked in normally stuffing the cloak in my pockets. I sat down and waited in my usual spot waiting for today's orders. 'la la la lalala lala la la la lalala lala....I just cant get you out of my head boy your'e...' I was singing Kylie Minouge's cant get you out of my head song while thinking of Sev until he burst in......mm! He's late...he really should wash his hair you know.(Harry completely ignoring the author running in the background yelling review)...Why are his eyes red and why does it look like he just cried?! No! he couldn't have!

Snape's POV from the beginning of this chap.

'Detention with Potter AGAIN' I snorted. I hate him! What's with him trying to seduce me?! I have no fucking interest in him. Especially because what his nit twit father did to me when I was young. I thank Minerva for lending me her classroom for letting me punish Potter. If it was my classroom, who knows how much chaos he would've caused finding more important potions and the damage they could do. I hide in my cupboard more than potions! Like my picture of Tiffany!(Author pops out of no where screaming 'review' like some mental maniac with a radio and presses play...than Mandy Moore's 'Cry' plays)

****

****

**I'll always remember**

**It was late afternoon **

**It lasted forever, And ended too soon**

**You were all by yourself staring up at a dark gray sky**

**I was changed.**

**In places no one would find**

**All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)**

**It was then that I realized**

**That forever was in your eyes**

**The moment I saw you cry**

**The moment that I saw you cry**

**It was late in September**

**And I've seen you before (and you were)**

**You were always the cold one**

**But I was never that sure**

**You were all by yourself**

**Staring up at a dark gray sky**

**I was changed**

**In places no one would find**

**All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)**

**It was then that I realized**

**That forever was in your eyes**

**The moment I saw you cry**

**I wanted to hold you**

**I wanted to make it go away**

**I wanted to know you**

**I wanted to make your everything, all right....**

**I'll always remember...**

**It was late afternoon...**

**In places no one would find...**

**In places no one would find**

**All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)**

**It was then that I realized**

**That forever was in your eyes**

**The moment I saw you cry**

**Baby cry**

**The moment that I saw you cry**

**Oh no no!**

**The moment I saw you cry**

**I wanted to know you(I wanted to know you)**

After that muggle song ended I sat on my bed speechlessly, than I realized I had tears slowly trickling down my eyes. No it cant be?!? Right before detention with Potter! Shit! He'll realize I thought while looking at my eyes in the mirror...Why don't I just put a memory charm on it!...no I cant...I cant forget her. She was an Auror, I was a Death eater. '_She died chasing me, I couldn't smile, smirk or be happy after that...Because she died chasing me!_' Those words stab me threw the heart almost everyday, inside I'm screaming in pain. Will it ever stop?.....................Oh shit! I'm late!

I quickly ran to my classroom to check if the potion was there....'What?!?' I stood there in shock. I was surrounded my tables, cauldrons and potions. It was quiet...I saw my love potion...It was there...but some of it was gone!!!! Probley cause that boy gave up and wanted to shag some one else I couldn't help smirking at the thought of that, but you never know! Most likely that. I walked in my normal speed while the sound of my footsteps echoed the hallway. I stood in front of the doors...I took a deep breath and barged in like my normal self. Right when I walked in I heard Potter singing! Oh god this is weird. Oh great he's staring at me...um..have to say something uh...LALAALALAla....SHUT UP STUPID SIDE OF BRAIN!!!! Than I saw some stupid author running in the background yelling 'review!' It was not quiet like it was supposed to be....Since that stupid author started to get on my nerve I almost got out my wand and screamed Avada Kedavera...but than she disappeared...like POOF!...I think I'm going mental...next thing you know I will see that author on my shoulder every second saying **'timbits!.......................Tiiiiimbits...Tiiiiiiiiiiiiiimbits!...I wonder what the chocolate ones are made out of hehehehe --poof!--'** ...Oh god...I sat down and ignored the lovey dovey stare Potter was giving me....This was seriously getting annoying....Potter and I were very quiet...I forgot about giving him his duty...I was glaring at him and he was sighing his fricken Potter ass off. Than I noticed the time...It was almost time for dinner....and I Severus Snape is **NEVER** late for the feast...mmm food

'Well, you managed to skip detention this time Potter.' I said coldly

I could read him...his heart was beating...because I talked to him...Oh dear god.

'huh? Oh yes sir!' Potter replied as he walked out blankly.

'Oh if I catch you late I shall give you detention with mcgonagal!...you can try to seduce her instead!!' Snape said glared at Harry who walked in to a table while awing him.

As soon as Harry left Snape got all his stuff and walked out...but a surprise was waiting for him. As soon as he walked out the door Harry shoved a drink in Snape's mouth. He spat it back out which sprayed all over Harry's face...but the potion mixed with his saliva...as a potion master Snape knew this so quickly closed his eyes shut and covered his eyes with his palms. Slowly he opened eyes and all he could see was his hands.....Than he felt a weird urge...

Harry and Snape both said

**'Oh shit!'**

Harry meaning it because he thought when Sev spat out the potion it wouldn't work.

Snape on the other had meant it cause he wanted to fuck his hands...to Harry's surprise Snape was snogging with his hands. Harry was jealous of Snape's hands

Harry's POV

GRR I HATE SEVY'S HANDS!!! Why is it that Sevy's hands get everything I want! Oooh! I wish there was a potion to make me Sevy's hands –drools—ooooooh ohohohohoh mmmmmmmm --has a fake orgasm in Harry's head—Oh shit I'm gonna be late for dinner! Farewell me la-Sevy! Psssh! He's too busy snogging with his hands hirumpf.

I ran to dinner and saw everyone even saw Sev...Snogging with his hand grr!

Than Dumbledore stood up when everyone was sitting down.

'Everyone....before you all eat...I have an extremely important announcement to make...' WOOSH! Dumbledore stripped reveling his wrinkly body.

'Eeeeeeeeeewww....' Everyone screamed.

O.

H.

D.

E.

A.

R.

G.

O.

D.

Yes Dumbledore stood there nude....with his old wrinkly shish ka bob...ugh..oooh I don't feel too good...my face was pale green...people could've easily mistaken me for a Slytherin if they didn't look at my robes but...Oh god I feel sick.

5

4

3

2

1

--retches—

yuck...hmm...look I see corn, oh and carrots and hmm chicken! Mmm beef stew! (author runs in the background yelling REVIEW!)

'Tomorrow is nude day!! Hehehe I got so excited I thought I should start today!' Dumbledore giggled...

Every student was now depressed and had completely lost their appetite...one student was trying to commit suicide while Colin Creevy was taking pictures screaming 'Yah baby yah!' Mcgonagal's jaw dropped....she was blushing...also staring at Dumbledore's spaghetti noodle.

'Ehem' she said clearing her throat.

'Albus...um...wait for me in the staff room...I want to uh..Give ya something...just leave now' Mcgonagal said...that was her plan to get Dumbledore away from the innocent students...

As soon as nude Dumbledore left Mcgonagal gave everyone the Cookoo sign. Everyone nodded.

'All those students who have lost your appetite like many of us teachers may come here when ever they want...I shall keep it open.' Everyone sighed with relief but some were worried if they were EVER gonna be able to eat again.

Snape's POV

I Loooooooooooooooooooove my hands (review!) um...woah they are so sexy! I've never noticed. mmmmm I heard a HUGE WOOSH! than i turned around and saw the Headmaster naked...Oh no...not this again..memories flooded...he ASS RAPED ME!!! Than he faced my way '_Oh great now he's going to eye rape me'_ I couldnt help notice the twinkle in his eyes...not the usual twinkle in his eyes....

_'Oh I dont like the looks of this...'_

(Author runs screaming REVIEW!...also read a/n points below)

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A/N: Okay (review) I (review!) think (review!) you (review!) people (review!) finally (review!) get (review!) the (review!) point (review!) er (review!) the (review!) clue (review!) anyways (review!)... (review!) REVIEW!! (review!)!! 

thank you also i have a new twisted story!! ch-check it out!


	15. WASH YOUR HAIR!

Disclaimer:

I 

D

O   
N   
T

O   
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H   
P!!!!

Thank you

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Snape's POV

I was busy snogging with my hands earlier when I noticed Headmaster looked rather...Happy than usual. I looked carefully and saw Dobby giving head to the Headmaster.

I could feel my face getting greener by the moment. I decided I just pretend I never saw that. 5 minutes went by of complete snogging with my hands until the Headmaster gave a loud 'OH!' Everyone was staring with their eyebrow up high...HOW CAN HE DO THAT?!

Now if me and these beautiful hands were fucking I obviously wouldn't mind. HOW CAN YOU **NOT** RESIST THESE SEXY HANDS? Anyways...After all this nonsense at dinner I walked off with my SEXY hands. I roamed Hogwarts to catch any students and freak the living shit out of them...especially POTTER. Any who! After 30minutes or so I decided I have a nice chat with McGonagall about her three "Lovely" students, Potter, Granger and Weasly.

As the usual me I decided to barge into her room. But that was a very very bad choice.

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****

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**BOOM!** (A/N that was Snape barging in)

As soon as I walked in I caught naked McGonagall and whhaaat? Flitwick naked. Oh god my eyes they BURN! I CANT BELIVE I WALKED IN DURING A MINERVA AND FLITWICK HANKY PANKY SESSION!!

'Yes?' McGonagall said staring at me.

_Ewww wrinkly boobs...what is she 60?_

'Yes I have VERY wrinkly tits, and No I'm 78' She said staring sternly at me

'Wha-Who- uh?' I stammered.

'I can read minds remember?'

'Oh!' I said turning away towards the wall.

All the sudden there was that silence during a conversation....

Than after 5 minutes of silence and Minerva giving Flitwick a handjob Flitwick broke the quietness by squeaking out loud:

'I'm cummin I'm cummin!!'

I, who was turning around for a long time at the sudden squeak turned towards Flitwick...Natural reflexes...

I just HAPPENED to see white ooze coming out of his dick...which is like what? 2cm? _How did she give him a handjob? With a pair of tweezers? Probley magic, anyways I feel sick ugh...._

'Severus! You look rather pale...than always! Here let me escort you to the Hospital wing!!' Minerva said looking worried at me.

'Ah! No. DON'T GET CLOSE TO ME AGHHHHH!' I screamed backing away than running out the room leaving those two in peace.

I paced threw the hallways trying to forget everything until all the sudden the Headmaster popped out of no where and started Doggy Humping my leg saying

'WASH YOU HAIR, wash your hair, wash your hair, wash your hair,wash your hair...'

meanwhile I just stood there shaking my right leg screaming

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Get it off get it off!'

While still the Headmaster was humping and saying 'WASH YOUR HAIR, WASH YOUR HAIR!'

After 5 minutes of 'Wash your hair' and me screaming I had an idea...

'Dobby is lying naked waiting for you in your bed!' I said quickly

At those words the Headmaster stood up in a speed of light and ran yelling

'We shall meet again!'

While saying that he snapped his fingers and he had no clothes and started yelling with his arms up high...:

'DOBBY I'M COMING FOR YOU!..ER I MEAN! CUMMIN!!' Well, since I was now used to the horrid sight of the Headmaster and his dick I'm used to it....NOT!

Oh this day is just horrid...I think I shall just go get some rest, good night.

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A/N: Yoooooooooooooooooo um ya I started a new story AGAIN and um its weird...anyways um REVIEW!!! 


	16. Not the end yet!

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP. Trust me if I did…no one would read HP!**

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A/N well I haven't wrote this story for so looooooong! So here I try again for my **pathetic** attempt.

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_**Snape's POV.**_

I've just woken up and guess what? I have a lovely hang over! Can you imagine? Me, Severus Snape a hang over! Probably from all the stress. Look at all the hair on my pillow! –Points to 2 strands of hair lying on the pillow--.

Now that's** a lot** of hair. I usually lose only have a strand!

I washed my face and looked up at my self. Maybe Dumbledore was right, maybe I **do** need to wash my hair…NAAAAAAAH! I may be a tidy potions master, unlike my old teacher who had things exploding everywhere. Haha I remember when Potter got his hair on fire…that was priceless…what I'd do to see that again. I got into the shower and started washing my self, remembering the old days when I got myself looking like a fool. That was horrible, but than there was Lily. Wonderful girl she was, always saving me from that dreadful Potter…Maybe I do hate Potter junior…who am I kidding…I do…wait…but those eyes. Just like Lily's…I remember I used to have silly infernal dreams of her and me holding hands and walking by the lake in front of Potter. All the sudden I looked down and I realized I had gotten a hard on. I now had a cold shower; I realized I hadn't got my clothes out. So I wrapped a towel around my waist and walked out.

'**AGHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!'** I screamed dropping the towel around my waist because my hands were now high up in the air revealing the hard-on I had.

'Was sir thinking of Dobby when you we in the shower?' Dobby said awing and gapingat me.

'Get out now!' I ordered picking up the towel and wrapping it around my waist again.

Dobby just stood there…without budging at all.

'Dobby wants an answer from sir…' He said sounding demanding.

OOOH THAT WAS THE LAST STRAND! –One strand of hair goes flying by— No one, I repeat NO ONE orders a Snape! I gave him my favorite look of coldness at him. Glaring at him, I opened my mouth to say something but he did something to me. All of the sudden I noticed I was chained to the wall with my wand out of reach…Oh so close. He ripped off my towel. AGHHHHHH HELP ME!!!!!

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**A/N: Kinky part coming right up!!! So if you don't like…SCROLL!!!**

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'Dobby I demand you to release me!' I ordered him but he slowly got his disgusting hands on my chest.

'AGHHH! GET OFF ME!' I yelled trying to get him off me…Damn him and his wand less magic (A/N: that sounded reaaaal wrong lol).

He's snake like tongue all over me, so untidy tsk tsk…What am I saying!?!

I tried to shake him off but as soon as his tongue touched my body, he made all the hairs of my body stand. I squirmed but that didn't help at all.

'So Dobby can make sir squirm….' He said playing with my man titties (a/n: like the word hehehe…Oh the paper clip guy is watching me weirdly now…He keeps looking at me and my story! Lol)

'Let go of m-' before I could finish my sentence he kissed me. What a messy kisser!!

He stopped kissing and backed away from me staring deeply into my eyes that glared into his big ugly brown eyes.

I spat into his face.

'That was disgusting.' I said coldly spitting into his face again.

His hands slowly went down.

'Oh no!!! That is OFF LIMITS!!!'

Ignoring me he starting giving me a hand job…Oh shit this is too much for me.

Ahhhh! He's giving me head! Holy shit. His hand was going up and down while sucking me lightly.

I could see myself in the mirror across from me. I obviously had the most terrified look. I mean come on! Who wouldn't…Oh wait don't answer that…Maybe that new elf Winky and Dumbledore.

'DOBBY I DEMAND YOU TO STOP!' I screamed.

* * *

**KINKY PART OVER!**

* * *

All the sudden he stopped. He looked up at me in disgust. 

'What is Dobby doing here to you sir?'

'Huh?' Oh my god…Did the potion wear off?

'Dobby you were put under an evil spell by Voldemort.' –koff—I don't want to be held responsible for everything!

'Oh my god! Dobby very very sorry…for whatever I was doing…'

'Please just give me my towel and un chain me.' I said with relief.

**Meanwhile…**

DracoHermione: Ohhhhhh! Mmm OH YES! Oh yea…-opens eyes-

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Draco: What the hell am I doing with you Mudblood.

Hermione: And you Ferret Boy…What are you doing to me?

Both: Meh! As long as I'm getting laid I don't care!

**_Meanwhile…_**

Harry is doodling in his Potions Notebook. Drawing hearts around Snape's name and writing stuff like 'Mr. Harry Snape.'

'Sigh…he is so hoooot'

Poof!

Looks down

'**AHH AHH AHH!** WHAT THE HELL!'

Stares at his notebook in shock.

'Well, I have to admit…He is hot…' Harry sighed and continued doodling…

**A/N: its not the end yeeeet!!! There is still a continue after this!**

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**Im sorry I havnt updated for a while lol..I forgot about this story hehehehe Checkie my other one!**


	17. The end?

**Disclaimer: I don't own HP!**

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THIS IS SPAM!

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_Next day_

_Snapes POV_

Oh what a lovely day! No twerps hitting on me. Oh I am the happiest man alive! I ran outside and did a little twirl of glory.

'HAPIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENESS!' I screamed with joy doing another twirl. I kept on doing little twirls of joy while people stared at me weirdly. I don't care this is better than revenge on James Potter.

'Professor…Are you alright?' A voice asked me. I did another amazing twirl to see who it was…Man I am so good at these…I should be a dancer!

I looked down to see none other than my godson, Draco Malfoy.

'Yes! I've never been happier in my life!' I smirked.

'Why are you so happy? Finally gotten laid?' Draco asked me smirking back at me.

'No. The potion has worn off! No more weirdoes! Oh thank god your back to normal.' I said hugging him!...Ugh What am I doing? I let go of my grodson.

'What potion? Oh. My. God. Is that why I was fucking granger?' Draco said staring at me with utmost rage. Oh images! My godson with a Mudblood! Oh I pity him…haha that's my revenge for his last embarrassing prank at his father sad sad attempt of a Christmas party.

'That was our…our Lords idea!' I said trying to sound calm as possible.

'Well, I better go thank the Lord for the lovely present…Granger is actually pretty tasty…I have another arrangement tonight too.' He said with absolutely no sarcasm in his voice! Oh my god what has the mudblood done to my godson!

'I will thank him for you as I am going to privately meet him tonight. Also as your teacher and godfather I really didn't need to know that.' I stared at him with disbelief.

'So…What did she do to you? Know what kind of words she used? Or did she give you a drink? Oh this could be bad.' I asked hoping to find out what spell or potion she used. Oh mudbloods can be more dangerous than I thought.

'She used both words and a drink' He replied.

'What kind of words?!? And a drink!?!? Oh dear.' I shook him hoping he will wake up.

'Words?' He smirked.

'Oh YES! OH DRACO! THAT'S IT THAT'S IT! OOOoooooh! MmmM! RIGHT THERE! UH UH UH! The drink was quite lovely…cum!' My godson said with a look that said: 'hey you're the one that asked'

'Uh…That's lovely…So she used a memory charm eh? Oh pity pity.' SHEESH IM STARTING TO SOUND LIKE WHATS HER NAME? You know the weird one whose in the tower pretending to tell the future. The mental one! You know?…AGH! Trawnley (sp?)??..Oh even the name freaks me out.

'Well…heh…I better be off. See you in my class.'

I said hoping get away from my god son…(I swear I don't know him!!) who had a grin that went from ear to ear…That is unhealthy…kids…listen to Uncle Snape…That is a unhealthy way of smiling. I could slap him!

I swished my cloak and waltzed off.

I taught the 1st year Hufflepuffs than the 3rd year Ravenclaws.

Oh yes my joy and pride! The 6th years are coming! Ah…Its good to have things back to normal…No Potter goggling at me and blowing me kisses. Oh heaven.

I walked to the teachers office and got a cup of coffee to drink. Oh its time. I grinned and power walked to my classroom…Okay. Don't smile!. Oh stop smiling! That's it time for desperate measures! NAKED POTTER! AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It worked but now I am officially traumatized. Oh images! Images!

I barged in…Oh hehe- what's this? OH MY GOD…I forgot…The side affects!

Oh shit.

Hmm Potter's not staring at me. YES! THIS IS GLORIOUS!

Oh shit…he is looking at me with a lovey dovey expression…Oh his eyes move because our eyes met. WTF! There's Parkinson talking seductively to Crabbe and Goyle.

'Why do I have a fetish for you guys…Oh!' Pansy said in her sad attempt of a seductive voice. I am no longer depressed people…JUST SUICIDAL!!!

There goes my godson falling off his chair and making out with Granger.

All the sudden someone pushed me against the wall.

What the bloody hell I shall not put up with this!

'What exactly do you think you are do-' I had been put into a kiss. Oh such tender lips, whoever this was, their tongue was pleading for entry. I am a polite man, I have my eyes shut, but I'm sure it wouldn't matter if I got a tiny peak.

'AGHHHHHH-' _**it matters it matters!** _I was cut off cause **POTTER** HAD shoved his tongue into my mouth just when I had screamed. I pushed him off.

'That is disgusting. Never EVER do that again.' I ordered.

'B-But I-I-I love you! I-I-I-I'm sorry I do…So…Will you marry me Severus Snape?'

Potter said as he was bright pink.

All I could say was:

'AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH'

The end?

Actually I'm joking…This stupid story doesn't end yet. DAMN POTTER (A/n: this is still Snape talking)..STUPID AUTHOR…PEOPLE ARE YOU SICK?! WHY ARE YOU READING THIS CRAP? PAY ME DAMN AUTHOR! THIS IS **CHILD **LABOR! AGH FUCK.

--A mental Snape with hair popping out and huge baggs under his eyes ends this chapter by:-- U STUPID FUCKER THIS ISNT OVER YET!

(A/n) There is still a **continue** for those idiots that didnt get that.

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**A/n: so what do u think? REVIEW!**

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	18. ashamed

Idiot-roses

2005-02-14

ch 17, signed As your devoted fan, I demand that you update! I need more!

(mini note from me: Oh my god –sniff—I feel so special! I have an devoted fan! –hugs— by the way I love your story! Its so sweet! Keep up the good work ;)oh god I sound so frickin corny! I got to slap my self for that –slaps my self—ow…Anyways I feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooo special! –runs out the window screaming like a mad woman—Im SPECIAL! (ed)

Anyways thanks for reviewing!

georgie-mini

2005-02-05

ch 17, signed omg! there's more! the pain! lol jj keep going, very strange and weird... but funny:P

hugs and kisses

georgie

(mini note from me: yes there is more buwahahahahah! The pain? Oh yea for Snape too!

You see there's a reason it took me so long to update…HE KIDNAPPED ME! But I kept screaming ''RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE'' and he let me be :D…Im joking I just was busy on my other story! Strange and weird….that sounds like how my friends would describe me…strange and weird…but funny.

Anyways thanks for reviewing!

**I'd like to thank the faithful reviewers, readers and the weird people I see on the train to school that inspire me everyday (:P) BE SURE TO CHECK OUT SEDUCING ER SCARING HOGWARTS!**

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Potions Surprise

'_Damn Potter for kissing me on my tender sexy lips!' Snape muttered while walking in circles. _

'_Oh well, he is related to Lily and his lips look pretty much like her so you could say Lily kissed **me**' I said again slyly to himself, than he turned around to only see Harry Potter standing with his jaw dropped._

'_That is just sick.' Potter said staring at him weirdly._

'_What?' I said wide eyed._

_When the bloody hell did he get here? I remember thinking._

'_Y-Y-Y-You are obsessed with my mum!' Potter said pointing a shaky finger at me._

'_Oh hell yes I am!' I said walking towards my desk to sit in it._

'_But greasy gits aren't supposed to love people!…like my mum…' Potter said hinting to love him not his mom._

'_excuse me, greasy git?' Oh that is soooooooooo not a nice thing to say. Especially to me, Severus Snape….: _

_**THE DEATH EATER**_

_Hey that sounds pretty sexy…I thought to myself._

'_Yes…you SEXY greasy git. Now go wash your hair' Potter said to me than got a whip out and whipped him in a erotic way._

'_what the-…20 points from-'_

'_Slytherin!'_

'_Gryf-slytherin…whaaaaaaaaaa?' Harry had confused me._

_Potter just stood there and smirked._

End of flashback 

It has been 20years since that happened. I am no 55years old. I am still teaching at Hogwarts witch and Wizarding School. I am still the Potions Master.

I guess I've changed now. I'm softer. One song has changed me, Severus Snape. A **_muggle_** song. 4 lines did it.

**_Give up the grudge, better shut your mouth_**

_**why you gotta judge everybody but yourself**_

_**Take a look around you, there aint nobody home**_

I may be a loser but at least I'm not alone 

Obviously I heard the clean version. I noticed, I was alone. I thought:

_Look at me. I'm alone. Everyone has somebody…Except me. _

That feeling had been there the whole time in the bottom of my heart. I am now married, to Lavender (author shudders). Her name is now Lavender Snape (author dies of being disgusted). We have two kids. You know, maybe that potion showed me something, maybe it showed me that love is good.. Hermione Granger is now married to my godson Draco Malfoy. I haven't heard from Draco ever since they got married Harry Potter, ah…he was a mischievous kid…or so how I saw him. I was actually jealous. He had friends…I didn't at all...I remember all my life I was a loner, than I saw him. He had friends and all the attention. During the war Albus Dumbledore told me to protect Harry Potter at his Aunt and Uncle's. Than the truth was revealed. I saw his sad sad room. He had been locked in the room and received very little food. Had been doing Child Labor, his mother and father constantly being insulted around him. James Potter I didn't mind but LILY? That I couldn't stand. I almost revealed myself! (I was under Dumbledore's invisibility cloak at the time…So Harry, his Aunt, Uncle and cousin had no clue I was there) The war happened after Harry graduated. I was ashamed of my self to the way I treated him while he attended Hogwarts. I had been one greasy git. I have straightened my self out now, I am no drunk, greasy haired man anymore. I occasionally have some alcohol but not much. Tomorrow will be the day I have been waiting for. There will be a reunion. Poor Neville, I cannot apologize to him in person because he sacrificed himself to save my wife. Crabbe and Goyle are now a bit slower because they suffered the injuries on their head and have become…slower.

I cant wait till tomorrow…See you tomorrow all…

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a/n: this story will continue for a while! I will be sure to but a 'THE END' in the end okay? and there will be an epilouge (how ever you spell that :p) 


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